Worry

Excuse me, worries 
fuel my discussions, but yes,
soon, fluent words will win,
eloquence will bless,
I won’t stumble upon thoughts.
This will get better.

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Faces like yours 

Sometimes I wonder if this fear 
is even worth the words that
later demand to be written down –  

Against the old bricks, my body leans 
On the old wooden bench, my arms rest
At the door, when I sweep my gaze I freeze
“Not here,” I think,
“Not now,” I hope.   

Your face warps itself into strangers’ sometimes
I freeze and wonder – If I could run away from there? 
The stranger and I lock gaze and look away,
But his is not the face that terrifies,
Not the one that made me avoid the places 
Where memories reside,
Not the countenance whose glimpse poison my happy days, 
Throw me back to that dark place,
Basement full of devil’s snare
You, you were no less. 

I look away and sigh before my compatriots question. 
My expressions give-away, you know, 
Tell stories to those who read,
Never an enigma, but an evidence – 
You did to me, what I wouldn’t wish upon my enemies. 

And see how you’ve tainted the pages of my book
How each chapter after your arrival has made it all look crooked 

In your ship, I was a happy passenger
In the storm, we crashed together
I was on my own then, but I came back a survivor
Navigated through islands obscure and unhonored. 

But in all of my journey, I found none as treacherous as you
None who spited words as mean as you
None who laid out trap as cunning
nor dare cross me as you
Shame on me,
For I shared the spells that could curse me
I gave you the bullets that would kill me.  

Never again, I promise myself. 

But faces like yours, I sigh – 
It’s a ghost of an era following me like an old faithful pet
You know I loved you once, but the spell has faded away
No words need to be exchanged
No sight to grace
Let us just avoid each other like plague
Because that’s what we were to each other. 

And now that I’ve medicated myself,
Purged myself of you and am healthy,
I don’t want to be that fool
The fool that walks into the same trap twice
Or even more.

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Ah, ageing!

It’s funny to see how we all have grown –
In the extra softness of our cheek,
The creaking of our hips,
Oh, the spraining of our knees.

The acne doesn’t go as soon as they used to,
You need an extra colour on your lips
You are much quieter,
You’ve started thinking more,
And lo and behold!
You indulge in gossips, too.

There is nowhere to go except downhill,
And even then your sore calves frown in disapproval.

You enjoy the Shankars’ symphony
You sit down with your parents
For cups of tea and their stories,
Oh, how they mean so much to you now!
There is so much assurance in their voice,
And their scolding is what you recall fondly at work.

Ah, ageing,
You are like the full moon hidden behind the clouds,
Your body is not at your mercy anymore.

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Oceanic High

A birdie said she wanted to fly,
But in her wings, she didn’t rely,
There was no other way,
Her peers said,
So she swam through the oceans
Under the sun, with determination.

Mid-ocean, swimming in the sparkling water,
A thought gathered –
Maybe it isn’t the fuel she needed,
The thought seeded.

There would be no waves to sweep her away,
No trouble to stop her, if you may,
She riled in her thoughts,
Go or naught? However, she didn’t stop.

The sparkles seeped into her wings,
She couldn’t move another limb,
It was the time, she knew,
To let go of her doubts, said the Blue.

But Fear,
Then she overhears her Past sneer,
In the quiet of this blue life,
Could she get over her strife?

She would come back and tell this tale later,
To her peers and well-wishers,
Of how she just willed her wings to fly,
And this time, they took her high,
Of how she saw the distance crossed,
Of how she sang the songs of the marine joust.
They congratulated her for her success,
Encouraged, they set out to prove their own prowess.

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The Path

Even after two and a half decades
Your words don’t stop being orders
Words that you think
Will magically make me walk
The path you want me to.

Where is the affection?
That is what I needed.

Have you failed me?
Or have I failed you?

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meaning of words

I had the paper saved
To write you words of encouragement
But here I am,
Writing words to pour –
I stare at it instead.

I had the paper saved
To fill it with obligated words
That makes a living
But here I am,
Writing words of whimsy.

Then I write some more words,
Which settle a wired self
But float on the ocean of the world wide web
Like plastics, sabotaging marine lives –
What is the meaning of this?

If I didn’t know better
I would have taken a shower of curses.
But I know now –
Some things never change.
I am merely leaking of words
Just like a vessel that doesn’t know how
To pour its content where it should.
It must be broken.

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